DisCoveRinG MySelF

can't think of a good enough title

Sat, 03 Apr 2004 21:59:26 GMT

do you ever just feel like ur always being lied too ... no matter who is talkign to you??? i some how always get taht vibe... and i am beginning to believe i am stupid... yes for all of you who know who stan is i am back with but im not so sure anymore its the right decision.. everyday i either get a phone call or a fucking im from some random ass girl... or form girls i definitely dont' like telling me all this shit...ALL boys of the world should cut off their penis's and run them over with their cars... im sick and tired of every single one that exists.... im never getting married beacuse they cheat and lie... although i can't say that i have caught anyone ... i just find myself questioning the true meaning of love...
when he says he loves you does he really mean it? will he always be there for you? to dry every tear you ever cry? just to say hi and smile when you need to see him if only for a few seconds? will he sacrafice it all just to be with you ?
sometimes i feel like you will never find a true love... sure u find someone that makes you happy and will do most of those things for you but when it all comes down to it ... he really doesn't truely love you..he is just there because u are both lying to urselves and each other... u think u love each other but u dont.. it truely doesn't exist...there will always be something you will keep from each other. whether they are small white lies or huge ones they all will end up hurting you or him in the end.... ughhh this just all drives me nutz... enough of this subject

by the way i would just like to give a big congrats out to all my musical kids... u were all truely amazing and i lvoed the show and so i hear i am being honored in the Wiz ... im so proud :) and i will be in attendance as well for that show ... i miss you all so much...

College is almost over only a mere 15 days of school left... It has gone by so fast... for you seniors that are reading this... if u haven't found yourself ... in college you will.. i have learned so much about my self in the past year its truely amazing.. good luck to each and everyone of you on ur future endeavors... these are the best years of ur lives... make the most of them... It goes by too quickly... so enjoy them...

i guess this is the extent of my post today for the first time in months... maybe i wlil try to post more often... until then i love and miss you all

comtemplation is my theme today ladies and gents

Thu, 15 Jan 2004 04:02:02 GMT

i have been sitting here reading some really deep shit in everyone's journals and it has inspired me to be deep in my entry tonight as well... ive honestly come to realize that living life to my own expectations and not what other people want me to do or act is important anymore... i used to care what people thought because thats how i was raised but im out on my own now and learning more and more every day.... im choosing to do what i feel is important to me... i always respected my parents and their opinions and reasoning for being total psychotic parents while i was in highschool but now i have the chance to experience everything i couldnt then because of them.... some would say this is my rebel stage jumping out but it really isn't... i had that the first 2 weeks of school now im just growing up .....

my break was pretty shitty but hey what do u expect when ur from the valley... i chose to sit home on new years cause i simply was in no mood to be around my friends and instead of ruining their night of fun i decided to keep my miserable self locked away in my room suffering in my own bitterness with a couple good movies and a pint of ice cream... i worked just about everyday over break and i literally wanted to take my life but shit im in major debt and in need of money for multiple reasons...1 my books cost me over 400$$$$ kiss my ass bloomsburg university... 2 my cousin asked me to be her maid of honor in her wedding which i gladly accepted and i am thankful and can't wait for the wedding next year i am really excited for her... and 3 my mom blamed me for 1000$ phone bill that my brother fucked up on the computer at my house while i was home over break because the stupid fucking aol dialed a long distance number and caused the damn bill to be 1000 $ ... it might not have been so much if my brother also did not leave aol on for hours at a time.... stupid ass...so my money problems suck... but i must say last night we went out for traceys birthday and it was probably the most fun i had in like forever... it was a blast and i can't wait for mine... my friends here at school are absolutely the best ever.... well my bed is calling... keep snowing so classes get canceled...
<3 mar

Im bad at this Journal Thing

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 15:37:06 GMT

Ok yes so it took me like 5973946 years again to update... I apologize to all of you who are truly devoted and update everyday... I wish i could rememeber too... College just kills ya let me tell you... Study as hard as you can in highschool because I got away with out studying and now I have to break my own leg to make myself study which is a necessary tool in survival here.... Anyways what has been going on since my last update ... Hmmm

Oh I know where to start... Boys stink... haha I officially give up on them... they always find a way to be so damn stubborn... Im sticking to being just friends with guys... Its easier that way...

Let's get to the hockey... Bloomsburg won the National Championship which I am proud to be a member of... WTG Ladies ! We proved to everyone just how good we are and back to back championships just ain't bad.

What's next on my list... I feel like I have been trapped in a box and I have just been let out... OH I know what I found out today finally that my room mate from Hell is being moved out... :) how exciting... Tracey and I will finally have our own room... and we can do whatever we want in it... Not till we get back from Christmas break will this take place but it is only 2 weeks of classes left and 1 week of finals..

And finally Im gonna get to the part where I miss everyone so much... I made incredible friends here but they will never come close to the ones I miss so much from home... I hope you all are having the times of your lives... College (and for those of you still in highschool ) is only 4 years out of your entire life... Live it up and do things you know u will never have the opportunity to do again...So until we meet again I <3 you all.... Sarah Karleigh Janelle Ermak Megan Allie Debbie Angela Tina Mike Lee Jimmy Burns Prego Dave ... Pete hang in there you know Im here.... Peterman and Amy and Walsh... miss you guys... good times this summer... Carla, Muncie Indiana is so far but u will be back to girl... Kathleen god i miss the car rides and everything else... nothing ever can replace the friendship we have had... and all my Chorus/ Musical buddies... LOve you all and Im coming back to see the Musical this year so you all better kick ass....Love and miss you all like crazy
Maribeth

Randomness

Sun, 12 Oct 2003 23:49:37 GMT

Im getting better at updating more often... by the way Hello To my girl KRISTEN :) miss you hun... and my doll KATHLEEN i miss you tons and next time im in def we are hangin out.... but anyways back to my update i went home this weekend... it was very good to be home... everyone was in.. all the girls and all the guys.. so friday night i attend the wonderful WVW football game... somethign i told myself i would never ever do once i graduated... but i did ... so i deem myself a pathetic graduate coming back to highschool events.... but hey i had nothing else to do lol.... afterwards we went to Ermdizzles to hang and just remenice?? icant spell lol... i was about to leave when my mom called to tell me that freakin HuGo SeLenSki escaped from the good old Luzerne Country Prison... nice job on that one .... its nice to know we live in a safe community... NOT !!!!... so saturday i drove back to school in the morning for my game against IUP... we kicked their butts 4-0 i believe honestly i dont' remember... and then drove back home to hang out with my friends... we all went Drakes... it was so good to see everyone... not one person has changed a bit... well except for burns in ways im not going to even mention... good for him... so anyways we hung out there most of the night talking about everythign and anythign then it was time for me to go because i had another game today and needed to be up to get back intime.... my mom drove me back and we beat Catawba 8-0...i actually played i was really excited... so then afterwards i hung out with my 2 aunts and uncle and mom and the listened ot my rant and rave about my problems lol haha too many... and then off to dinner with mom to AppleBees... god i love that place... then it was time to say my byes... and back to my dorm room.... so now im sitting here doing absolutely nothing to do ... I <3 You Peterwoman... Boredom rules...but im off now to watch some tv and wait for my boy to call me :)... until next time

Well Hello THere

Thu, 09 Oct 2003 16:14:55 GMT

Well dear Live Journal friends.... haha its so nice to be back... i honestly forgot i had this until i read the lovely kristen petermans today and made me think maybe i should update mine since the last time i did was april 23 and its now october 9... good job maribeth... lol...

well i officially graduated highschool and now am a Freshie at Bloomsburg University...I am a Secondary Education History Major... it definitely blows and I probably will change my major.... Im thinking maybe more along the lines of Exercise Science...Classes are ok here... I miss highschool so much cause u could definitely study in one night and pull of an A here u study in one night and u might be able to pull off a D lol... im learning though...

the first few weeks of school were like a new life for me... i went out to some parties and loved it but it wore off... im just not a party girl really i dont' think.... i enjoy being comfy in my dorm room with a bag of popcorn and good movie.... last night i watched the Patriot <3 Heath Ledger<3... oh i love that movie... but heath ledger will never compare to my boy :) Love Ya hun.... miss you lots...

today is goign to officially suck because for field hockey practice we were told to not bring our sticks at all.... please kill me.... but at least after my last boring class today i am done... no classes tomorrow and Jonathan is picking me up to come hoem to the valley :)... so exciting... but well umm i can't think of anything else right now but this will shock my live journal buddies to actually see an update from me.... love everyone and miss you all from home :) keep in touch with me at school...

Anezorb2 : AIM
MaBrozen@huskymail.bloomu.edu : Email at school

P.O. Box 1602
Montour Hall
Bloomsburg University
Bloomsburg Pa 17815

570-814-0515 Cell
570-389-2330 Room

<3 Ya

SHOCKAZ haha

Thu, 24 Apr 2003 01:15:42 GMT

Ya so its been a few days... tonight we had a volleyball game and we won the Championship... Gotta love those SHOCKAZ... i love you guys.. today i got my prom dress too :) im super excited just cause i like my dress...its pretty .... lets see waht else can i ramble on about... oh my mom is really gay she like questions me everytime i come home from somewhere ... u weren't drinking were you ??? no mom not on a school night .... shes so retarded ... she told me yesterday my room smelled like alcohol... ya because i would be stupid enough to drink in my bedroom with her nextdoor...but well i guess thats all i have to say for now... oh i forgot i played basketball in the rain on monday with Chris haha it was fun and i definitely won...

opps updated to early

Tue, 15 Apr 2003 04:13:12 GMT

So anyways... that was pretty much my friday night....oh and i called ( him ) when i got home cause i told him i would and we talked for a while it was good :)
we made plans to hang out the next day after we both got out of work...so i went to bed and got up on

Saturday... when i got up i went to my brothers baseball game at roosevelt field in good old swoyersville...they were playing bishop oreilly and they won by alot ... so i left there and went and washed my car and then went home to do nothing before i went to work .... after work jimmy was having people over so i went home to change and stuff cause i figured i would just hang there until ( he ) called me to hang out when he got out of work ... that was my first mistake... goign there... i should have just stayed home and waited there instead of going i woudl have kept myself out of trouble... when i got to jimmys i had like 2 mikes hard lemonades just cause i knew i would be ok from those but as it got later and later i got impatient and worried and then thought he would never call me so i gave up and got myself totally smashed... big mistake... # 1 i called his house and i remember talking to his mom but dont' remember what i said ... # 2 i wrote a really awful email that i should have never sent but i was to messed up to realize what i was doing # 3 i let my friends keep giving me more to drinkj when i knew i had to drive myslef home... I was in no condition to do this so megan ( i love YOu) drove me home in my car and burns picked her up... well here comes the biggest mistake of the whole night... my mom heard the second car outside and came downstairs and found me in my drunken state and i was busted... so house arrest can't be that bad... my mom suprisingly was a lot cooler than i thought she would be... i really thought i would be 6 feet under somewhere by now but im still here... lol but anyways i pretty much puked my guts out a couple times and then slept for like the next 15 hours... i skipped futures cause i was so drunk... i went to work and was punished even more from being sick by having to sell alcohol all day long... i never ever want to touch it ever again... and i mean it ... it disgusts me... i normally never drink y i did this weekend i have no idea???? i was definitely stupid... but anyways so im kinda still really upset over him cause i got an email back from him saying that the reason he didn't call was because his car brokedown and that i am a " fucking bitch" yep i deserved that ... but now i m paying for it cause i wrote an apology email and he didn't answer it so now i guess im pretty much done... oh wait i forgot...
Sunday night on my way home from work i saw Chris on the ave so we went for Josies... i talked to him for a while and told him about my weekend he told me iwas stupid which I already knew... but anyways that was pretty much my weekend... so i think im gonna go to bed now .. good night all :)

Rough Weekend

Tue, 15 Apr 2003 04:00:11 GMT

Well lets see where to start... Its been a few days since I have written... I started talking to (him) again... but i think i screwed up again... im really bummed... but let me tell you my story so heres we go......

Friday Night : Lets see I decided to go out to eat with Burns to TGIF... It was a lot of fun... ( him ) who will be not named was sick so thats why i went with Burns... we met up with Matt Traver and his girlfriend Kristin by the way she is really nice and cool.... we went bowling at Stanton Lanes.. i bowled suprisingly really good

Memories Ahh

Tue, 08 Apr 2003 23:40:47 GMT

Do you ever sometimes just instantly get reminded of something? Song lyrics do it to me all the time.... They kill me...I hear them and they send me into remeniscing sprees of thoughts that are often sad... I miss spending time with someone... It is so hard to really have feelings for someone and see them with someone else who is totally wrong for them... For instance the song Im listening to right now is causing me to write this ...

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears from behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words I've been hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm stating all over again
The LAST THREE YEARS were just pretend
And I said

Good bye to you
Good bye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems I can't live a day with out you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

Good bye to you
Good bye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and what's mine
I want you
But Im not giving in this time

Good bye to you
Good bye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star :)

Ok im done with that now ... but it just makes u wonder if u really did mean anything to that person.... life is so complicated... it just kills me that he can be with me one day and then just give it all up and the worst punishment for me of all is seeing him with her...:(

Long Time No Talk

Mon, 07 Apr 2003 15:45:29 GMT

Hello!!!
Noah I am updating or you lol.. Lets see where to being lol.... Musical has been over for a little over a week now... in a way i am thankful and in another i feel deprieved lol so i took a chance and tried out for the student run musical .... i made it lol.. I am Cinderellas wicked Stepmother.. Today is a snow day weird though its APRIL 7...it should be raining not snowing.... but hey im not complaining a day off is a day off.... im feeling a bit sick today last ight i went to bed at 6 pm and woke up this morning at 10 AM it was amazing lol ....

this past weekend was pretty boring....

friday i went to the senior allstar basketball game and then bowling at chackos to see my friend Matt :) then we went to eat at Antonio's.....

Saturday I had work till 8 then just came home and chilled cause i didn't feel like going out and my friends were MIA anyways...

Last night i worked again then came home and slept again like explained earlier....

well im going now i think. im kinda hungry lol so i need toget some food...

Fun

Sat, 08 Mar 2003 04:43:07 GMT

Hello Again

So tonight started out good Me Sarah and Allie went to eat at Friendly's ... It was good and we got ice cream too yum.... After that we picked up Meg and met up with Al and we all went to Chakos bowling...well it was fun until someone bowled someone elses turn and people left.... lol its all good just some missunderstandings lol .... but im gonna go now cause i have musical in the morning... ps thanks noah for fixing my journal :)

Tango :)

Fri, 07 Mar 2003 22:27:18 GMT

Hell Everyone!
So yes today at musical i learned how to tango :)... i had a blast doing it and probably will make afool out of myself when it comes time for the show.... hehe... thanks jimmy... umm so ya have yet to make plans for tonight and musical is tomorrow morning at 9 :( to early for me... but i will write again later ,... noah i will im u with the info .. thank :)

haha

Wed, 05 Mar 2003 19:24:48 GMT

hi yo this is my first :)